The Nine Lives of Ranma
by The Altered Destinies
Summary: What would have happened if Ranma fell into the Spring of Drowned Cat? What if Genma had taught him to be a bit more comfortable around girls? A small difference goes a long way.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Ranma and other characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. If there are any original characters in this fic I will mention them explicitly.

" " - speech - Chinese speech [ ] - Panda sign-language ( ) - thoughts / author quips

The Nine Lives of Ranma By Etherway-Oni

Prologue:

"You see here sir, this is Legendary Cursed Training Grounds of Jusenkyo." The Chinese guide waved his hand out at the field of small springs that literally stretched to the horizon. Each spring looked almost like a large rain puddle, and also had several bamboo poles rising out of it. Ranma and Genma Saotome looked out at the misty valley for a few moments, when Ranma gave a derisive snort. "This place doesn't look so dangerous to me," he said. "All we have to worry about is maybe getting our clothes wet. Well, yours at least," he added, turning towards the old man that was his father.

Genma frowned for a moment at the flippant remark, but rather than give his son the satisfaction of irritating him, he merely replied, "Remember, son, that this place was visited by all of the ancient masters. You *do* want to be the best, don't you?" As he expected, Ranma took the bait. "Whatever, old man. What'do I gotta do?"

At this the old man leapt out onto one of the poles in a nearby spring. He showed remarkable balance for one as, *ahem*, large as he was. Ranma followed suit and soon they were facing each other across the pool. "Don't expect me to go easy on you, boy," Genma taunted. "Hmph, you should be worryin' more about yourself, Pops."

"Wait!" the guide cried out, waving his arms frantically. "You no go out there! These springs very dangerous! Each one have own tragic legend! Very bad if you fall in!" Predictably, the two martial artists took no heed of the guide's warnings. (What, did you really think I would let them get away scot free?) Genma and Ranma leapt across the pool at each other, both intending to knock the other into the water. Needless to say, that as the Saotome School of Anything Goes was a school that specialized in air - to - air attacks, and that Ranma was much faster than his father, Genma soon found himself hurtling out of control towards the water below. Yet he wasn't in his position of being one of the two remaining masters of Anything Goes for nothing (He had worked damn hard to con the Master into training him). Pulling out a rope from somewhere in his gi, the old man flicked his wrist and sent it straight to Ranma, who was still in middair. The cord wrapped around his ankle, and with a peculiar twist Genma reversed their relative positions, so that now Ranma was the one heading straight for the water while Genma was now ready to land safely onto another pole. Luckily, it wasn't meant to be. Ranma made his own midair twist and latched onto the nearest pole, which just happened to be the one Genma was aiming for, and swung himself up to meet the old man once again. He then lashed out with a powerful kick that sent the old man flying. All of this took about three seconds.

Now Genma was in the same situation he had been in before, with one crucial difference (or similarity, whichever); he was still holding the rope that was tied around Ranma's ankle. Displaying great strength of his own, he yanked on the cord until Ranma was flying out in front. At the moment he was farthest away from the boy, Genma released his hold, and landed on yet another bamboo pole.

Ranma was not so lucky this time. He fell into a spring that was some distance from his father, and disappeared beneath the surface. Genma smirked at the boy's easy *loss* of control. "That was too easy, boy! And you call yourself a martial artist!"

While Genma was thus occupied, the guide ran over to the afore-mentioned spring (somehow he never has trouble just *walking* from pool to pool) and cried out, "Oh poor, poor Mr. Customer! I warned you not to fall in spring! That was Maoniichuan, Spring of Drowned Cat! There is tragic story, very tragic story, of little cat that drown in spring 1,600 year ago! Now whoever fall in spring also take body of cat!"

At about this time, a small black cat with dark blue streaks emerged from the pool, screeching it's wiskers off. At this, Genma became quite... troubled. "Oh no! You silly boy, look what you've done! Now, thanks to your carelessness, we can never go home! How would your mother react to seeing you like this?! [Besides, in that form, he may go completely into his cat state, and then we'd all be doomed!]"

{"Well, you stupid old man, whose idea was it to bring us here in the first place?!"}, Ranma yelled. At least, that was what he meant. All that came out was a series of meows and hisses, combined with the occassional growl here and there. At coming to this revelation, Ranma-neko realized that words simply would not do, and reacted in the best way he could. Fortunately he was not reacting to his cat form with the usual amount of fear and insanity. He quickly launched himself at Genma's head, the owner of which was understandably scrambling (how on Earth does someone scramble when they have one leg in the air and the other balanced on a pole?) to get to shore and eventual safety. This only spurned Ranma to greater air-speed velocities in his efforts to explain to Genma, in very precise (and painful) language , the new heights to which the old man's idiocy had soared. As he continued to *gain ground* on Genma, one fact quickly became clear to Ranma-neko: there is nothing in the entire universe (or even the other worlds that exist alongside it), that is more frightening than an angry feline that has just made it quite obvious that it wants your face (complete with eyes, ears, mouth, and nose) for a trophy. Nothing at all. Needless to say, Genma was as white as a ghost (which he would soon become if he didn't haul ass immediately!).

For this reason, Ranma-neko began to get a little more comfortable with his cat form. Just a little. Meanwhile, Genma continued to make haste as he was also becoming aware of this very same notion. After all, even though he was (and still is) an idiot that could almost rival Kuno (Oops! Not supposed to know about him yet!), along with being a thief, a liar, a beggar, a coward, and an all-  
around troublemaker in general, Genma also possessed some finely honed survival skills (many of which had been perfected during his studies under his own twisted and perverted Master). So it was that he quickly began spouting whatever apologies he could come up with, even going so far as to offer Ranma-neko a lifetime's supply of fresh tuna, when the already angry streaking furball (which just happened to be equiped with an impressive arsenal of claws and teeth, and was now even angrier) finally caught up to him. Genma's head was soon lost in the blur of a black and blue tornado that was doing its best to quickly rearrange its (Genma's head's) contents into the most painful configuration possible.

So it was that Genma lost his balance (he had actually never made it more than a milimeter off the pole) and fell into a different spring. Luckily for Ranma-neko, he noticed the shift in weight and leapt off of the doomed man's cranium and into an overhanging tree branch. Genma splashed into the pool (and what a splash it was!), and for a moment nothing but bubbles could be seen in the water. Ranma-neko calmed down ever so slightly as he realized that now Genma had his own curse.

Not a moment too soon, the old Chinese guide ran to the side of the pool, wailing, "Oh, Mr. Customer, not you too! That is Shonmaoniichuan, Spring of Drowned Panda! There is tragic story of old panda that drown in spring 2000 year ago! Now you become panda too!" (Sorry, but Genma and the panda just go together. Kind of like reindeer with Santa Clause, only they're much less violent.) Sure enough, a giant panda soon leapt from the pool, and landed onto a branch next to Ranma-neko's (the branch shifted quite noticably with the added weight). His face was almost unrecognizable beneath all of the scratches and other tell-tale signs that he was having a *very* bad day (besides the fact that he was now a panda, of course). As for Ranma-neko, he was having a very difficult time trying to keep a straight face (On a cat, the effect was rather interesting. And the only reason he wasn't meowing with heinous laughter was the *very* apparent fact that Genma-panda could easily squash him. Just so you know).

Eventually the newly cursed pair made their way to the entrance of the training ground. The guide went into a nearby hut and returned carrying a kettle of boiling hot water. "You listen now," he said. "Curses trigger when hit with cold water. Be normal again when hit with hot water. You understand?" Genma-panda and Ranma-neko both nodded, but not before Ranma-neko gave his father an extremely dirty look. "Nice going Pops," he said when he had returned to human form. "You just had to come here, even though you can't read a word of Chinese! Now we're stuck with these lousy curses and we don't even know if there's a cure! There *is* a cure, right?" This last question was addressed to the guide, who simply shrugged.

-From a distance the Valley of Jusenkyo appeared to be nothing more than a mist-covered rut between two mountains of the Bayankala Range. All was peaceful... until a piercing scream of pure rage, agony, and despair ripped through the trees. Upon hearing the sound, a certain very, very, very, very, very, very, *very* old woman (whose favorite methods of transportation consisted of pogoing on a staff that was three times her own height) looked up from her herb gathering in the direction of the valley. Another visit to Jusenkyo, it seems, she said. You *would* think that most people could at least have read the warnings before going to such a place. Oh, well.

End of Prologue.

Chapter 1- A Slight Case of Entrapment

"This, sirs, is Amazon village of Joketsuzoku. Many Amazons live here for past three thousand year. Ah, you is lucky customers today! Amazons have annual tournament. Is very special event. All of village watch, you see?" The Chinese guide said all this and more as he presented the Amazon village to Ranma and his pop. As the two men were currently starving, they were somewhat less than thrilled to hear the guide explaning the rules of the tournament. They wanted food; and it wasn't long before they laid eyes upon what could only be called a mark of divine intervention; a full-sized Chinese buffet, complete with Peking duck. Quite predictably, the two martial artists ran to the loaded table and began stuffing their faces like there was no tommorrow.

The guide, meanwhile, was still deep in his explanation of the current tournament. Ranma and Genma looked up occasionally, seeing a lavender-haired girl completely dominating the match against an older and much uglier woman. Both were wielding their weapons of choice, in the girl's case, a pair of steel bonbori, while the woman had an extended mace. Both were fighting atop a large suspended log, obviously a test of balance as well as skill. The rest of the village surrounded the log, cheering, yelling, and making other shows of support for the two combatants. Well, it was more for the younger girl than the both of them. The guide was just now remarking to something about this being the final match, but Ranma and Genma were no longer paying any attention. Suddenly they heard a much louder cheer go up, and they looked up to see that the younger girl had indeed won the fight. They then saw that the guide was giving them both a questioning look. "Uh, sirs, what you doing? That table is first prize, is very bad that you eat here, no?" Genma went on eating with abandon, while Ranma was paying more attention to the girl, who was now stalking up to them with murder in her eyes.

He then leapt out of the way with a yelp, just before she smashed a bonbori through the spot he had recently vacated. The girl then raised herself up to her full height, and even though she was a good three inches shorter than Ranma, she seemed to tower over him. She spoke something in Chinese, and though Ranma had no idea what she said, he was certain that it had nothing to do with the weather. The guide proved to be pretty useful here, as he translated the entire monologue: "She say, 'What are you doing here? This is Grand Prize, is very dishonorable that you would steal this symbol of respect from me. I demand satisfaction!' ".

At hearing this, Ranma grinned smugly, and began appraising his newest challenger. It was here that he noticed that while this girl was obviously not making a marriage proposal (hehehe), she was definately *very* cute. He also noticed that she looked rather tired, even though she was still in remarkably good shape, especially considering the fact that she had been fighting all day long. "All right, then. You're saying that if I beat you, you've got no problem with our being here, right? Well, then let's get it over with!" So saying, he leaped onto the log, despite the guide's protests. The crowd was very quiet as the guide translated for the purple-haired Champion, who then followed Ranma onto the log, at which point the crowd began its cheering once again. "Oh no!" cried the guide. "Mr. Customer is making very bad mistake! This could cause big trouble with village if he win!" At hearing this Genma looked up for about a split second, just long enough to realize that Ranma had gotten into another fight. He then began watching more carefully, so that he could properly analyze his son's technique. It was always good to find some sort of criticism of Ranma's abilities; it kept the kid in line.

Ranma, meanwhile, was squaring off with the village Champion, and being very cautious about it. These were Amazons after all, and though he knew little about them as a culture, he was well aware that if his girl was the current Champion fighter of her village, she was nobody to be trifled with. And those bonbori looked like they could really do some damage. However, that girl really was quite cute. All this went through Ranma's head in an instant. It should be noted here, that while Ranma had lots of anti-social qualities (the result of being Genma's offspring and furthermore living with him as his sole companion for ten years, in which time he learned about living on the wrong side of the law), his father had also, for some reason, made absolutely certain that Ranma could easily relate to members of the fairer sex. While his father's notions were obviously skewed, Ranma had nevertheless become quite a charmer. So it was that he quickly decided on a strategy that would bring him certain victory (a strategy he had used against quite a few of his female challengers).

At this point, Genma noticed the familiar gleam in Ranma's eye, along with the look of absolute confidence on his face, and came to the correct conclusion. "Oh, not this *again*! He does this every chance he gets!" (It's nice to see he's become a real man, but this is going too far! Besides, at this rate he could end up rivaling the Master in just a few more years... *shudder*) After continuing this lamentation for a few more minutes, Genma went back to the much more appealing situation of how to put away an entire roast duck. Because even though he hated the thought of his only son being lost to the ways of the demon hentai that was his Master, he also knew that Ranma's own, ahem, "special technique", had a success rate of roughly 100 %.

It was here that Ranma launched his attack, the one he had designed himself; "Saotome School of Anything Goes Special Distraction Technique: The Goodnight Kiss!" (Sounds like something old Sanzenin came up with, eh? Oops, I did it again! Ohhh, kuso!) Ranma then made his move, swatting the bonbori out of the girl's hands. He then wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arms to her sides, and (of course) kissed her full on the lips. The crowd murmured in the background. He kept the "attack" up until he sensed that she was no longer resisting his efforts (she actually hadn't been trying too hard to begin with), then let her go. She stood ramrod straight, with stars literally in her eyes. She was obviously *not* paying any attention whatsoever to the current situation. Ranma then casually poked her, so that she fell off the log like a bowling pin. The crowd was silent for a second time that day, then let loose a deafening cheer. Ranma jumped down from the log, where a village Elder raised his arm in victory, signifying the new Champion.

"Heh, no sweat. I knew she'd never be able to resist that." Ranma would have gloated a bit more (what else can you call it?), but his Pop, having successfully eaten the afore-mentioned duck in one bite, was now standing before him. "Well, son, I have to say, that was the shortest battle I've ever seen. I just hope this one doesn't chase you like all the others." Ranma waved a hand dismissively, saying, "Aw, you worry too much, oyaji. I won that fight fair and square. She can't touch me." Genma blinked. "That's not what I meant, baka!" Ranma was about to reply, then paused as he saw Genma's face turn pale. The old man was looking past Ranma and had seen the purple-haired, now former Champion, getting to her feet. Ranma of course had no idea what the problem was. "Hey Pop," he said, sounding flippant, "why d'you look so sick? Was it something you ate?" He felt a tap on his shoulder, and turned around, finding the reason Genma had been making the hand cross while backing away quickly.

Ranma began sweating as he looked once more on a face that looked ready to kill (while still looking very cute), one which was framed with purple hair. The girl was less than a foot away, and she looked even angrier than before. Ranma chuckled nervously while backing away, making a warding gesture as he did so, saying, "Eh, um, nice fight huh? Heh heh, I hope you're not too mad or nothin', it's just the annual tournament right? Nothin' to get worked up about. Happens all the time. Right? No hard feelings?" He offered a hand for a handshake, but the girl just slapped it away while she continued stalking him. She was saying something slowly in Chinese, which of course meant Ranma had no idea what she was talking about, and the guide had mysteriously disappeared. He tried to apologize again, but that girl just wasn't paying attention to what he was saying. Had it occured to him that she couldn't understand Japanese, he might have tried a different method. As it was, he was completely oblivious. So it was that he was caught totally off guard by her next move, which was to grab his face with both hands and kiss him even more forcefully than he had her. This continued for about five minutes, during which time the crowd began cheering yet again, and when the girl let go Ranma stood looking almost exactly like she had on the log. She smiled mischieviously, then poked him in the forehead, tipping him over. Now it's time for you to learn something else about Ranma; while he was quite adept at *giving* his affections to women, *recieving* them was a totally alien concept. Hence he was caught flat-footed by his own technique! This was the last thing to pass through Ranma's head before everything went dark...

Ranma woke to darkness. This was more than a little surprising. Looking around, he saw that he was in a hut, probably one of the village homes. Why his pop had decided to spend more time in this place was beyond his comprehension. Then he remembered why he had first "fallen asleep". He sat up with a start, remembering the whole day at the tournament in a flash. The moment when the girl had kissed him was particularly striking. That made him blush a deep crimson. It had been the first time a girl had actually approached him instead of the other way around. Not that the others had really minded falling prey to his "special tecnique", not at all. Well, maybe they were irritated, just a little. But never when he was actually performing the maneuver. At least, not for very long. But the point was that they never paid him any attention afterward (except to chase him for a week. But the point was that they were trying to hurt him, not catch him. At least, that's what he thought). In some cases, that was probably the best thing that could have happened. But not this girl. No, she was something different. She had come right back and given him a taste of his own medicine. Had even gotten a straight knock-out with it! The implications were disturbing, to say the least.

While he had been thinking Ranma had not taken much notice of his surroundings. He had the distinct feeling that something was not right. For one thing, it was dark outside. That meant he had been unconscious for hours! The next thing he saw was that was in a bed. The *next* thing he noticed was the purple haired girl in the afore-mentioned bed laying right next to him. "Oboy", he muttered. He wondered how he'd missed it before. She was curled up right next to him for Kami's sake! "What to do, what to do," he continued. He saw no way to extract himself frm the purple haired beauty's embrace, at least without waking her up, or, worse yet, getting himself a nosebleed. He couldn't see much in this light, but Ranma could tell she wasn't wearing much more than a thin nightgown. A thin, *silk*, nightgown. While he liked women, certainly, he was definitely not that adventurous. Because, when you came right down to it, he was a Saotome at heart, and that meant he simply could not deal with the thought of intimacy with a person of the feminine persuasion. It made him light-headed just thinking about it. And that was *without* all the lemony details!

And yet, Ranma was quite certain that on some level he was definitely enjoying this. He'd never been close to anyone before, and he had to admit it felt pretty good (even though it felt very awkward at the same time). The girl chose this moment to snuggle a little closer, murmuring something that sounded like "Airen". He had no idea what that meant, but it sounded affectionate. So, in the end, Ranma decided he would lay back down and get some more sleep. And try not to think about what this all meant.

Genma was upset. That was really all that needed to be said (we'll elaborate anyway, though, just for your benefit). His son's antics had aroused the attention of yet another hapless female. And that was bad. Really bad. Because he still had that promise to his friend and old training partner to keep (marriage, unite the schools, you know the deal). And that wouldn't happen if Ranma kept getting himself involved with so many women! While Genma knew his son was no hentai (his delicate manhood couldn't handle such behavior, after all), he still had his doubts every now and then. And this last girl Ranma had managed to snare (without really meaning to, but that wasn't the point) was *really* cute. And affectionate. And determined. Put all three together, and they had a whopper (without the onions). Which could only mean that his promise to Tendo was in danger to say the least. Therefore, Genma had wisely decided that it was time to rescue his son from the clutches of Amazon law. That was another thing he had just learned; the women of the Amazon tribes considered defeat by an outsider male a seal of engagement. They stuck to this practice very strongly. The troll that Genma had spoken to earlier (who had been pogoing around on a staff, and was named Cologne, of all things) had told him of their customs and that Ranma was now considered an Amazon warrior by marriage. To a girl named after a hair-care product, no less. Specifically, Shampoo. Which was bad. Very bad.

Genma had been thinking all of this as he crept through the village towards the hut that Ranma was staying in. His plan was simple; he would sneak in, wake Ranma up, tell him everything that the Matriarch had told him earlier, find some way of getting him away from the girl without waking her up (which meant no noise, no physical contact, and no sudden moves), attempt to get Ranma's cooperation, beat the crap out of Ranma as an extended effort of getting his cooperation, maybe use Ranma's curse to his advantage (though that would probably make things worse), sneak out, grab all the food they could carry (they were poor, starving, road-side martial artists after all), and run for the coast so they could swim to Japan. All without alerting a single member of the village to their intentions. Like I said, simple.

Genma finally made it to the hut, and (for once), taking the side of caution, peered into the window. He saw Ranma, mostly awake, lying in a bed and curled up with Shampoo. "Nani?" he whispered. He noticed that both apparently had clothes on, which was more than a little relief. He also noticed that Ranma actually appeared to be comfortable with his current situation. To a certain extent. That was something the old man had feared - that Ranma might find a reason to resist his efforts to save him from the current dilemma (if you didn't mention the fact that Genma was lazy, self-  
absorbed, lazy, a coward, lazy, slow-witted, lazy, a bad father, and lazy.). The old man immediately took action. Crawling through the window, he made his way to the side of the bed to have his little "chat" with his incredibly stubborn son. He promply met a fist halfway that knocked him back out of the window and into the street (if you could call the worn path in the dirt a street). Ranma's head leaned out the window, glaring at him. "You got a lotta nerve trying to sneak up on me here, oyaji. Whaddya think you're doing, anyway? Wait, actually, I don't wanna know. Just get outta here, okay?" Genma chose this moment to interupt, saying, "Heh! Foolish boy, you don't know what you're saying. Or don't you realize that that girl in there is supposed to be engaged to you now?"

Ranma's eyes narrowed at this. "What are you talkin' about oyaji? I didn't propose to her, I just found her in that bed when I woke up. And she didn't try nothin', so just relax."

"Oh? According to the laws here, boy, that girl has every right to call you her iinazuke." So saying, Genma tossed a small booklet, which Ranma caught and began to look over. He grinned at this, saying, "You see the mess you're in now? I told you before, I'm only trying to look out for you. Now come on, we're getting out of here right now!"

Ranma sighed, then glared at his pop. "Two things oyaji. Three, actually. First, I'm not going anywhere right now! Second, if you were trying to help, why the hell did you take us to that training ground!? And I'm not even going to go over all the other things you've done, including that stupid Nekoken!" He paused for a deep breath here, then said, "Third, why did you give me this book when you know I can't read Chinese!?" He threw the book with a fair amount of force, and had the satisfaction of seeing Genma nailed right between the eyes. The old man threw the book right back at Ranma, who caught it again. "Stupid boy! There's a translation in the back!"

"Well, why didn't you say so baka?" Ranma flipped through the pages, muttering, "Hmmm... social classes... Elder rights and priviledges... traffic violations... enchantments, curses, spells, and other magics... dueling... Kiss of Death / Kiss of Marriage... proper etiquette... the codes of enforcement... Mouse and his proper punishments... " Ranma then looked up, saying, "I don't see anything here that says I have to marry that girl from the Tournament, Pops." Genma facefaulted. "Idiot!" he said he heaved himself up. "What do you think this says!?" He turned the book around and pointed at a particular page printed in huge kanji,

"IF AN OUTSIDER FEMALE DEFEATS A MEMBER OF THE AMAZON TRIBE, SHE MUST BE HUNTED DOWN AND KILLED. IF AN OUSIDER MALE DEFEATS A MEMBER OF THE AMAZON TRIBE, HE MUST MARRY HER."

Ranma looked up. "Oh."

"So, you *still* want to stick around and get married?" Genma was by now absolutely certain that Ranma would be ready to head for the hills. It was something of a surprise then, to not hear Ranma immediately say, "You know Pops, you're absolutely right. Let's go." Instead, he heard Ranma say, "Weren't you always telling me to follow the warrior's code of honor, Pops? Because it seems to me that if this whole thing is law around here, then I'm pretty much stuck with it. Don't you agree?"

Genma sputtered, "Y-you can't be serious! That girl happens to be a complete stranger, named after a hair-care product, no less! You actually *want* to marry her!?" (What about my promise to Tendo?!) Ranma sighed again. "No, I don't want to marry her Pops! But I can't really get outta this without ruinin' her honor, and I can't do that. We could at least talk to the Elders about this. Maybe put it off, you know? Try to think a little for a change, oyaji!"

That last remark had been enough to put Genma over the edge. First he spends ten years of his life training his only son to be the best martial artist ever, teaching him how to get along without money (who cares if it's called stealing, anyway?), and giving him the blessing of his wisdom and insight into the Art, women, and just about everything else, and this is how he repays him?! It was just too much! That boy needed some good old-fashioned discipline. So Genma brought out a small billy club and hurled it at Ranma's head, aiming to knock him out so he could drag him out of the village.

Ranma just caught it and threw it back into the groove that was already present on Genma's face. "Goodnight Pops," he said. He hurled a glass of cold water at the old man for good measure. Genma-panda lay on the ground, stricken. Just before he passed out, he held up a sign that read, [This sucks.]

The purple-haired Amazon called Shampoo woke to the early morning sunshine. She stretched lazily, then moved to hug her soon-  
to-be husband. Aire- hmm? Where is Airen? Of course, the bed was empty where her Airen had been sleeping before. Shampoo blinked a few times, then turned towards a large crash, mixed with a few insulting remarks, outside. "Baka oyaji! How many times do I gotta tell you to lay off?!" "Quit your whining boy! Because of you, we're both stuck here!" "Well at least I can back myself up! I didn't see you tryin' to help out in that fight!" "A good martial artist knows what's important!" "You just wanted a free meal!" "So did you!" "Aarrgghh, you're gonna pay for that one!" The last statement was punctuated by another loud crash, which was followed by a splash. Shampoo then heard various grunting noises, then the sound of felt against wood. "What's that Pop? I can't hear you!" SMASH "Urk!" Another splash sounded. In light of such a chaotic "training session", she could think of only one thing to say. Aiyah.

Before Shampoo could comment further, Ranma-neko came flying through the window, followed by the distinctive screeching of a feline. He would have crashed into her, but Amazon reflexes were enough to avoid that fate. Therefore she snatched him out of the air instead and immediately began cuddling him. Where did you come from little kitty? She grinned. I hope you didn't get caught in the middle of Airen's fight with stupid panda-man. Ranma-neko was of course completely unprepared for this treatment, and the flow of Mandarin heading his way did little to help his confusion. Or his heightened state of inner turmoil. Meanwhile, Shampoo had begun to stroke him when he finally noticed what was going on. {"Hey! What are you doin'?"} (all Shampoo heard, of course, was, "Meow?") He carefully extracted himself from her grasp. Kitty doesn't want to play, hmm? Too bad, I'm not letting a cute thing like you get away! She looked into his eyes. Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you... She took a closer look, saying, Funny, you remind me of Airen. I wonder if you're his cat? This once again went over Ranma's head, though he saw the cute smile she was throwing at him (Wham!). Just before she snatched him up again. {"Heh, um... I don't know what you just said, but sure, yeah, whatever."} (in reality, "Meow."). Shampoo grinned again. I always did want a pet cat.

Genma was a panda. So he wasn't very happy. He had also been beaten pretty badly in that last training session. On top of that, his attempt to "rescue" Ranma from his engagement had met with utter failure. All in all, it had been a pretty bad night / morning. He was currently shuffling through the village in pursuit of hot water. Unfortunately, he couldn't seem to find out how to tell any of the locals about his curse. For the twentieth time that morning, Genma-  
panda cursed his inability to speak (or write) Chinese. So far the only thing his efforts had gotten him was a pile of bamboo shoots (he was saving them for later in case he got *really* hungry).

While he had been trudging along, Genma-panda had come upon the Matriarch's hut, in one corner of the village. He was contemplating whether to go inside, when something landed on his head, driving it into the dirt. "Well, my boy, it seems you have some explaining to do." The weight was lifted, and when Genma-panda finally got up, he was facing what looked like an ancient mummy clinging to a staff. He would have screamed in terror, but his current form only allowed a strangled roar. Cologne was unphazed. "Hmph. I suppose you don't deserve this, but I need some answers." So saying, she tipped a kettle of boiling hot water over Genma's head. "YEEEOOOOUUUUUUCCHH!" "That's better. Now if you'll follow me." The mummy then pogoed through the entryway to the hut. Genma, now restored to his human form (along with some newly acquired third-degree burns), shrugged, then walked inside. He found her balancing on that staff of hers in the main room. "Sit down," she said. Doing so, Genma asked, "What do you want?" She laughed (*shudder*). "Mr. Saotome, you disappoint me." Genma was by now a little confused. He had about a million questions, but the first one out was, "How did you know it was me?" The old woman pointed to a spot behind him, "Your pack was a dead giveaway. Now to more important matters. I noticed your efforts last night in preventing my granddaughter's marriage with your son. I trust you have some sort of explanation." Genma paled. "I don't know what you're talking about!" Cologne laughed again. "Then I will elaborate. You attempted to steal away my granddaughter's husband. When that failed, you tried to convince him to run away with you. When that didn't work, you tried to subdue him for capture. And, might I add, *that* failed rather spectaculary!" She chuckled once more. Then she fixed him with a piercing glare. "Might I remind you that the laws take precedence here? We are not interested in the whims of an old fool. Your son *will* marry my granddaughter, I assure you. The only question now, is why you should be so opposed to Ranma's engagement." She paused for a moment, then cleared her throat, saying, "I'm waiting for your answer, Saotome."

Genma knew enough about the old woman to know that she reminded him of his old Master... which basically meant he would rather have his fingernails peeled off than face her in combat. Therefore, he decided (for once) to tell the truth. "My training partner and good friend, Tendo Soun, and I made an agreement that if I had a son, that boy would be wed to one of his daughters in order to ensure the continuation of the Saotome and Tendo Schools of Anything Goes Martial Arts. I have decided that my boy is ready to fulfill that promise, so I am taking him to Japan, and the Tendo Dojo." Cologne considered this for a moment, then asked, "Does the boy know about this agreement?" Genma faltered. "Ahhh, well, I was about to tell him... when he was ready, that is. But, no, he doesn't know yet." The old woman replied, "Then it is settled. As your son obviously has no intention of carrying out this other engagement, your promise to Mr. Tendo is nullified. Ranma will marry Xian-Pu. If there is nothing else, I must be going now. Good day, Mr. Saotome." She then pogoed out of the room, into a study. Genma was stunned. Then he rose from the seat, chasing after her. "Wait! You can't do that! We made a promise based on honor! Our Master-" Cologne whirled around (no mean feat, when you're riding a staff). "Just what do you mean by telling me what I can and cannot do? I am the Matriarch of this village, and as such I carry the weight of the Council. And I am telling *you*, here and now, that Ranma's engagement to my granddaughter will not be broken. Not by word, not by quill, not by sword. I suggest you get used to the idea."

Genma by now had recovered from his shock, so that he was able to reply, "Our Master approved of our agreement! Our two families are the only practicing Anything Goes martial artists left in this world! The schools must be joined!" Cologne never missed a beat. "What do I care for your schools? Here is three thousand years of Amazon heritage at stake. I will not see this opportunity wasted." She paused for a second, then spoke more softly. "Let me make this matter clear, Saotome. Let me be honest. Your son has incredible potential for one as young as he. He is already one of the greatest fighters of his generation. With proper training, he could be the best, of *all* generations, save for divine influences and the like. Were he to become an Amazon, our tribe's place of greatness in the future would be assured. Now tell me, Saotome, do you *really* want to sacrifice this chance for a family school of martial arts?" Genma could only reply, "But we made a promise..." Cologne sighed. "If you are so set on this, then perhaps your boy could fulfill *both* engagements. Amazon law does allow a man to marry more than one woman. Make your choice." Genma stood for several minutes, thinking furiously (at least for a slow-witted hulk that turns into a panda). Then he looked up, squared his shoulders, and nodded.

Well, this is it. My very first fanfic. I have to admit that the idea for this storyline, which is pretty formless right now, had come from many other fanfics on the web. So don't be too offended if it bears a great resemblance to any one of them. I also realize that it is quite short, but as I intend to write chapters that are much longer, there shouldn't be any problem. Send your comments, suggestions, ideas, and, *ahem*, propositions to "etherway .com". I look forward to hearing from you! (Be gentle).

Next episode: The Saotomes drop by the Tendo residence with some surprising news. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All characters not found in original manga or anime belong to yours truly unless otherwise stated. Ranma and other characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi.

" " - speech - Chinese speech [ ] - Panda sign-language ( ) - thoughts / author quips

Ranma 1/2

The Nine Lives of Ranma By Etherway-Oni

Chapter 2: "Sorry, I'm already engaged."

To the average citizen of Nerima, a thundering rainstorm was about as common as the Olsen twins were annoying. To a certain purple-haired girl accompanied by a panda and a black / blue cat, it was another visit to Hell. Said girl was currently chasing the panda (which happened to be wearing a very large pack on its back) with the cat on her shoulder as she waved two steel bonbori with abandon. The sight was strange even for Nerima. Presently the panda spun around and faced her with a defensive posture. The girl took this opportunity by hurling one of her bonbori directly at its face. Somehow it dodged the attack, after which point it traded a flurry of punches and kicks with her before being thrown into a wall and slumping to the ground.

"Hmph," Shampoo sniffed. "You is lucky Airen can no fight too, would be beat to mess on ground for tricking us like this." The panda pulled out a sign that read, [I have no idea what you're talking about.] It flipped the sign over. [I'm just taking us to see my old friend.] "Meow?" {"Just what do you mean by that Pop?"} Of course, no one could understand the cat, but somehow the panda answered anyway. [I have a promise to keep.] "Meow..." {"That promise better be a good one..."} [It is.] "Like hell!" That was Shampoo again. "Only promise panda-man ever keep always cause trouble for Airen!" She paused for a moment as she reconsidered. "Actually, all panda-man's promise cause trouble for Airen." "Meow! Meow! Meow!" {"That's it! We're going back to China! I don't want nothin' to do with any agreements you made, Pop!"} [But Tendo's waiting for us!] "So?" *flip* [So, at least we can get a hot bath!] "Meow..." {"That does sound pretty good..."} "We *have* hot water, Airen." "Meow." {"Oh, right."} Shampoo waved to the panda as she turned to go back the way they came, carrying Ranma-neko. "Bye, panda-man! We write soon!" The panda pulled out another sign that read, [That's IT!], ran to catch up with the girl and her cat, and swung the sign down over their heads. Shampoo caught the sign and whacked its head instead, but as it fell it knocked a telephone pole over, which hit her in the head, K. her on the spot. [That worked out well.] The panda bent to pick up the two figures and their packs. [Oof! Maybe not...]

Tendo Soun sat at the table in the main room holding a postcard in his hands. The card showed a panda bear among bamboo sprouts. On the back was one sentence. "Bringing Ranma and a friend from China. - Genma Saotome." Tears welled up in his eyes. It was amazing how much effect nine words could have on a man. Granted this particular man was highly emotional and a little unstable, but that was beside the point. Within moments he was pouring fountains out of his eyes as he babbled, "Oh, how I waited for this day! Finally our promise can be kept, Saotome! The schools will be joined! WAAAAAAHHHHH!" (Like I said, highly emotional.) After about ten minutes and twelve inches of rain, Tendo eventually regained his composure. When he had calmed down to the point where he could think clearly, the full implications of what his friend's arrival signified had sunk in. Being unable to help himself, Soun gave in to another good, long cry (he does this a lot)...

Half an hour later, he was still seated at the table (though he was drenched and sitting in a large puddle). By this time he had gathered enough resolve to tell his daughters the good news. "Kasumi! Could you come here for a minute?" Out of the kitchen came a lovely young woman in an apron. Her hair was bound in a ponytail that was draped over her shoulder. "Yes, Otou-san?" "Can you please get Nabiki and Akane to come out here for a moment? I have something important to tell them." "Of course." She then turned to face the main stairway. "Nabiki! Akane! Otou-san has an announcement!" Soun facefaulted. A few minutes later, Nabiki came down the stairs, abacus in hand. Soun looked around. "Where is Akane?"

Akane entered the family dojo, returning from her afternoon jog. She immediately changed into a gi, piled some bricks and lumber, and began to focus. After a few seconds, she brought her hand down, smashing the entire assembly into just so much rubble. "Ah, that felt good." "Hmph. No wonder the boys at school think you're weird." Akane turned around to face Nabiki. "Why should I care what boys think? They're just a bunch of mindless hentais." "Oh, well then I guess this announcement has nothing to do with you then." She turned and left Akane looking mildly confused. "Announcement?"

After all three girls had sat down at the table, Soun made his announcement. "In a few moments, a very good friend of mine, one Saotome Genma, will be arriving with his son and another friend. I want you three to know now because of an agreement we made when we were in training. Before any of you were born, we pledged that should I have a daughter and he have a son, those two would be wed to ensure the continuation of our two schools of Anything Goes. To that end, one of you will be engaged to Ranma." Reactions were immediate, and somewhat predictable. Nabiki asked, "Is he cute?" Kasumi said, "Oh I do hope he's older than me. Younger men are so... young." Akane sniffed, "What makes you think we're going to allow ourselves to be married off? Shouldn't *we* get some say in it?" Nabiki turned, "Now Akane, don't be so hasty. After all, we haven't even seen him yet. He could be cute. He *is* cute, right?" This last remark was addressed to their father, who sat chuckling. "Really, Otou-san, you shouldn't be so sudden. What do you know about this Ranma?" "Yeah, Daddy, what's he like?" "Ahahahahaha... *ahem* No idea." Nabiki asked, "No idea?" "I've never met him." "THAT'S JUST GREAT!" That was Akane. "Not only do you engage us to someone we've never met, you engage us to someone *you've* never met either! I'm not going to have any part of this!" "Akane! You should have more respect for Otou-san! He's doing the best he can!" "Hmph! Serves him right after what he's trying to do to us!" "Oh, my babies don't appreciate me anymore! Waaahhhh!" "Now, now Otou-san, it's really nothing to get worked up about."

About this time, a yelling was heard outside, followed by a knock at the door. "That's them!" All members of the Tendo family got up and rushed to the door. Kasumi, being the hostess, got there first. Opening the door, she said, "Welcome, honored - Oh my." That last bit was said after she got a good look at their visiters. In front of the door stood a panda carrying two packs and a brown sack that looked as though something were struggling to get out of it. To his left stood a well built girl with purple hair. She was also carrying a pack. Soun burst into the doorway, babbling, "Oh Saotome! At last our promise will be fulfilled! Waaaaaa - eh?" He finally noticed the panda. "Um, who are you?" The panda handed off the sack and broutht out a wooden sign board and a felt pen. They watched, amazed, as he wrote on the sign, then held it up. [It's me, Genma.] "Genma-kun?" The panda flipped the sign around, [A long story.] During this exchange, the girl had opened up the sack, revealing a black cat with dark blue stripes. It immediately jumped onto her shoulder.

Akane, noticing the cat, cried, "Oh, what a kawaii kitty! What's his name?" The girl looked at her and replied, "Name is Ranma. Is Shampoo Airen." Nabiki asked, "Ranma? But isn't that your son's name?" She looked at the panda, who nodded. Soun looked at the cat more carefully, asking, "Ranma?" The cat nodded, then said, "Meow." {"A *really* long story."} Soun took one more look and promply burst into tears.

After Soun calmed down (again), Kasumi showed their new guests into the main room. The panda went off to the kitchen for some reason, and the purple-haired girl glared after him. Soun and his daughters sat opposite the girl and the cat. Soun was close to tears again. Kasumi was smiling as usual. Nabiki looked bored. Akane was trying to play with Ranma-neko. The purple-haired girl was trying to keep Ranma-neko to herself. Ranma-neko looked confused (for a cat). Kasumi then got up, saying, "Otou-san, I'll make us some tea." "Thank you, Kasumi." She walked into the kitchen. A second later, everyone heard a scream, then, "Urk!" THUD. Everyone rushed to the kitchen, finding Kasumi standing in one corner, and a flattened (now human) Genma in the center of the floor. "Genma-kun!" cried Soun. "You're finally back! Waaaahhhh!" Genma twitched uncontrollably, and managed to grunt, "It's great URK to AAAHH be back AARRGGHH TENDO!" (Nabiki had been peeling him off of the floor.) "Otou-san, who is this man?" Soun sighed. It was turning into a long evening.

"Excuse, Mr. Tendo?" That was the purple-haired girl. "Is okay for Shampoo and Airen get hot bath?" Nabiki blinked. "I'm sorry, did you just say shampoo?" The girl looked at her. "Is my name. Xian-Pu." Nabiki tried valiantly not to laugh. "Your name is Shampoo?" That was Akane. "That's really strange." Shampoo glared. "Is great warrior name of Amazon of Joketsuzoku. Is no funny!" Soun blinked. "Amazons?" He whirled to face his friend. "AMAZONS?!" Genma had the grace to look sheepish. "We were starving, Tendo! We had no choice!"

While the two men had their argument (which was more of a harsh scolding for Genma), Akane was still talking to Shampoo. "Hey, you want to go out to the dojo?" Shampoo smiled. "Sure." As they walked, Akane was still talking. "My name's Akane. My dad teaches his own school of martial arts. We've had this dojo for years." Shampoo merely listened while they entered the dojo. Ranma-neko followed from a short distance. Akane turned back to look at Shampoo. "What kind of martial arts do you study?" Shampoo answered, "Amazon Wu Shu. Is very old style. Shampoo learn from great-grandmother." Akane said, "I study Kempo, mostly. Ours is the Tendo School of Anything Goes." She paused. "Say, you wanna spar for a bit?" Shampoo shook her head. "No, Shampoo not want hurt new friend. Be very bad." "Don't worry, I'm a big girl. C'mon!" So saying, she threw a quick punch. Shampoo easily dodged. "You is making mistake." "What, it's just a friendly match! We'll go easy." She threw another punch, missed again. Ranma-neko looked on from the side.

Shampoo sighed. "If that is way you want, then Shampoo fight." Akane smiled. "Great!" She launched another attack. This time, instead of just dodging, Shampoo grabbed one of Akane's outstretched arms and threw her across the room. Akane landed on her back, then got to her feet. Shampoo stood in the same spot, keeping a loose defensive posture. Akane charged the purple-haired girl, and was abruptly sent sprawling. As she rose, she saw Shampoo with one leg stretched out. "You is very slow, violent girl." Akane narrowed her eyes. It was time to get serious. Yelling a loud kai, she ran forward. Shampoo did likewise. The two exchanged a flurry of kicks and punches, but it was clear that Akane was getting hit much more often than Shampoo (actually, Shampoo wasn't getting hit at all). Suddenly a kick to her midsection knocked her back into a wall, where she slumped to the ground, panting. She looked up. "Wow, you're really good. I don't think I've fought anyone as tough as you." Shampoo stood in a ready stance. Akane got to her feet and walked past her, so she turned to follow. "I'm just glad you're not a boy." Shampoo blinked at this. "Why you say that?" Akane looked over her shoulder. "I'd just really hate to lose to a boy, that's all." Shampoo exchanged a look with Ranma-neko, then followed her into the house.

When they made it to the main room, they found everyone at the table, Genma included. "Mr. Tendo," Shampoo asked. "Is okay to get bath, yes?" Soun looked up. "Hm, what? Oh, um, yes, of course. Feel free. After all, it seems you'll be staying with us for some time. It's just around the corner." "I've already drawn the bath for you, Shampoo. It should be ready," Kasumi said. "Arigato," said Shampoo. She didn't understand what Soun meant exactly, but she nodded, deciding not to dwell on it. Gathering up Ranma-neko, she made her way to the stairway.

Akane took her place at the table, and sat silently as she watched the two older men catching up. Nabiki was stretched out, reading a manga. Kasumi was in the kitchen, fixing dinner. Akane laid her head across folded arms on the table, sighing softly. It looked as though things were taking a drastic change in the Tendo home. It actually didn't look too bad at the moment, but it could get ugly. That Shampoo girl was really tough, though she'd been polite. Genma looked like nothing more than a bum, and then there was that cat. They'd called it... Ranma? Wasn't that Genma's son's name? And why had Shampoo been so possessive of it? And where was this boy that one of them was supposed to marry? Not that she was really interested. Not at all.

It never occured to Akane to consider Genma's transformation in the kitchen. After all, no one had explained about the Jusenkyo curses. She sat for a few more minutes. Eventually she decided that she should get a bath. That girl should have finished by now. 'What kind of a name is Shampoo?' she thought. 'Even for this place it's weird. Oh well, I guess I'll be getting to know her better soon...' She stood and made her way to the bathroom.

Ranma-neko lay down in one corner while Shampoo washed herself off on a stool. After all the craziness he'd witnessed today, he felt like just taking a rest (being a cat, there was hardly anything else for him to do). First this curse, then all the business with the Amazons, and now this. Ranma had thought that his life *before* the curse had been eventful. The way things were going right now, he didn't expect to get much R &amp; R for a while. So he lay in the corner, trying to take advantage of the few peaceful moments he had...

Shampoo finished scrubbing down, then poured a bucket of cold water over herself. She opened the door to the bath, when she noticed her Airen, still resting in the corner. Not paying any attention whatsoever. A mischievous grin formed on her face (uh-  
oh). Moving very quietly, she walked across the room, and picked him up by the scruff of his neck. He blinked once, then his eyes opened wide. He struggled for about as long as it took for him to figure out that he had absolutely no leverage in this position. "Meow!? Meow!" {"What're you doin!? Put me down!"} Shampoo grinned wider as she walked back to the bath. Ranma-  
neko was getting desperate. "Meeeooooooooooow!" {"Noooooooooooooooo!"} She then tossed him into the water. She followed quickly, closing the door behind her.

Ranma surfaced, looking stunned. Shampoo had by now lowered herself into the water, so his nose was safe for now. However, the small proportions of the furo didn't help matters much. "Whaddya think you're doin? Are you crazy?!" Shampoo grinned, saying, "Is no Shampoo fault she want spend time with Airen. Is nothing wrong with take bath together." "Easy for *you* to say." Shampoo frowned slightly. "Airen no need worry. Shampoo not bite. Just want be with. Why you have problem?" Ranma said, "It's... not right. We aren't married yet." "So?" "So, it... aw, forget it." He paused. "I just don't want you to get any ideas. That's all." Shampoo sighed. After a moment, she rose. "Shampoo no see what problem is, but if it make Airen uncomfortable, then Shampoo no do again." Opening the door, she gathered her things and left.

Ranma sat back in the water, cursing his mouth once again. He hated the way it hurt Shampoo's feelings whenever he started talking and quit thinking. Even though he didn't really like the idea of being engaged to her, she was still his friend. He sighed. Whatever his pop wanted with the Tendos, he hoped it didn't take too long to settle. However, Ranma had to admit that it was pretty good to be back in Japan. At least *here* he wasn't surrounded by Amazons trying to force him into marriage.

Eventually he decided it was time to get out and see what it was Genma had planned. He moved to the other side of the furo, and rose, reaching for the door. The door opened before he got there. Directly on the opposite side stood Akane, wearing nothing more than a towel draped over her arm. Both of the two teenagers froze. Their eyes locked. Ranma's eyes widened (he looked like a deer caught in headlights). Nobody knows how long they stood like that. But eventually something had to happen. Akane, very slowly, closed the door. She turned around, gathered her things, and walked out of the changing room. Ranma settled back into the bath, not sure of what to say or do at the moment.

Akane stood with her back to the door of the changing room. She was stunned, to say the least. Part of her mind was still numb with shock. But that was put to rest as her inner voice began to rise to the surface. That voice drowned out all rational thought. It quickly became far too loud to ignore. It soon found release. Akane took a deap breath, and screamed. Loudly.

Nabiki looked up from her manga as a loud scream came down the stairs. "Isn't that Akane?" she asked. Soun and Genma looked up only briefly, then resumed their yelling. Shampoo was visibly worried. Just then Akane rushed into the room. She picked up a boulder from outside, screaming, "I'LL KILL HIM!" Nabiki was curious. "Kill who, sis?" "THAT PERVERT IN THE BATHROOM!" Kasumi came out of the kitchen, asking, "There's a boy in the furo? But I thought Shampoo was the last one in there." Shampoo looked nervous. "Oops." Meanwhile, Nabiki was asking Akane, "Why didn't you just kill him with your bare hands?" "BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID!" "Oh."

Akane ran to the hallway, still carrying the enormous rock, when Shampoo moved to block her path. "Violent girl no kill Airen!" Akane was incredulous. "What're you talking about?! That creep came out of nowhere! Now get out of my way so I can kill him!" Shampoo was beginning to get angry herself. Scowling, she said, "That boy is Ranma! Is Shampoo Airen! You no kill!" Akane blinked. "Ranma? But you said that was the cat's name!" Shampoo sighed, then said, "Cat is Ranma. Is also boy. You understand?"

Akane didn't, but she did understand that a pervert had snuck into their bathroom. "I don't know what you mean, but I'm gonna finish that creep off right now!" As she spoke she tried to get around Shampoo. Shampoo was having none of it. Her hand stabbed out at the boulder, looking like nothing more than a blur. A blur that struck roughly one hundred and fifty times in little more than a second. The rock was soon reduced to a pile on tiny pebbles. Kasumi blinked. "Oh my." Akane was stunned. Glaring at Shampoo, she raised a fist as she said, "So that's how you want it, huh? Fine, I'll take you out first!" She lunged into a punch with all her might, straight at the other girl's jaw. But Shampoo wasn't there anymore. Suddenly Akane felt something press into the back of her neck. Then she slumped forward, blacking out. Shampoo caught her before she could hit herself against the wall, and carried her back to the main room, where she laid her out on the couch.

Ranma peeked around the corner. He looked a little nervous, saying, "Is it safe?" Shampoo quickly made her way to his side. As she led him into the main room, Genma finally broke off his argument, saying, "Tendo-kun, this is my son, Ranma." Soun looked at the newcomer. Then he broke into tears, wailing, "Oh happy day! Now the schools will truly be joined! Waaaahhhh!" Everyone pointedly ignored him. Kasumi spoke next, asking, "But when did he get here? There hasn't been anyone at the door." Ranma answered for himself, saying, "That's kind of a long story."

Shampoo continued for him, saying, "Airen here whole time." Everyone looked more than a little confused. Ranma said to Shampoo, "They don't know yet, Shampoo." Looking back at everyone else, he said, "I was the c-... c-.. c-cat you saw earlier." He sighed, while everyone else blinked in shock. Nabiki decided it was time to speak up. "Hey, do you think we could get the whole story all at once?"

Yet again, everyone sat at the main room table. Ranma sat on one side, flanked by Shampoo and Genma. Next to Genma at one end was Soun. Across from Ranma sat the sisters Tendo (minus Akane, who was still unconscious). Genma was making introductions once again. "I am Saotome Genma, this is my son..." "Ranma," continued, well, Ranma. "And this is my best friend, Shampoo." The girl in question smiled back at him, saying, "Shampoo is more than that, Airen." Ranma blushed. The Tendo sisters particularly noticed this.

Nabiki asked, "And, about these curses...?" Genma looked thoughtful for a moment, saying, "Ah... how to explain this..." He grabbed Ranma by his shirt and was about to throw him into the koi pond, when he stopped, paling. Then he let go, patting Ranma's shirt back into place. "Perhaps that's not such a good idea." Ranma looked angry (who could blame him?). He quickly returned the favor, throwing his father into the pond instead. A few seconds later, a very wet panda emerged.

Kasumi gasped. "Now he's a panda again!" Soun wailed, as usual. Ranma nodded grimly. "Yup. Pop had the great idea of takin' us to a cursed training ground, when he couldn't even read Chinese!" Genma-panda raised a sign that read, [You were supposed to be willing] *flip* [to give your life to the Art!] Ranma snorted. "My life is one thing..." He then threw a rock which struck Genma-panda between the eyes, saying, "My *humanity* is another!" Soun looked at Ranma, turning away from the sinking furball. "And... you become...?" Ranma paled as he said, "A c-... c-cat." Nabiki's eyebrow rose.

Genma-panda stomped back to the table. Nabiki asked, "Mr. Soatome, why did you hesitate when you were going to throw Ranma in the pond?" [Ranma has a... problem with cats.] *flip* [If he becomes one, the shock could set him off at any time.] She eyed Ranma, saying, "And why should he be so afraid of cats?" Ranma flinched. [That's another long story.] *flip* [Meanwhile, can we have dinner?] *flip* [May I have some hot water please?]

A few minutes later, Kasumi had a pot of soup on the stove (the night was a little too hectic for anything more elaborate, besides, she didn't want to miss anything), Akane had been revived and was sitting next to her, Nabiki was reading a manga, while Ranma and Shampoo sat together, brooding. Soun came from the kitchen with a steaming kettle. Pouring it over Genma-panda, he said, "So, hot water changes you back..." "It needn't be quite *that* hot!" "...while cold water triggers the curse." He clapped Ranma's shoulder, chuckling. "Your problem isn't so bad after all!" He waved as he turned to regard the three sisters. "My daughters. Kasumi, nineteen. Nabiki, seventeen. Akane, sixteen. Pick one." Ranma blinked. "Nani?" "One of them will be your iinazuke."

"WHAT?!" Everyone did a double-take. Shampoo had been so quiet, even Ranma had forgotten she was there. She faced Soun, glaring. "What you say?" she hissed. Soun swallowed. "Ranma will be engaged to one of my daughters. We have a promise, after all." Shampoo somehow managed to look even angrier. "Airen is Shampoo's!" The Tendos gasped. Soun paled, looked at Genma, who was quietly trying to sneak away. Ranma grabbed him by his gi, saying, "Where do you think you're goin, oyaji? This is *your* fault, remember?"

Soun immediately seconded the sentiment. "SAOTOME! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Genma instintively backed into a wall, having just become acquainted with the Tendo Demon Head Intimidation Technique. "Tendo-kun, I can explain everything! Honest!" "Okay." Soun reverted to normal form, by all appearances looking just fine (he was still on the verge of tears, though). "Start talking." Genma big-sweated. "Well," he said nervously, "after the incident, we followed our guide to an Amazon village, to get some food. He told us that they were having a tournament, and there was a buffet for spectators." WHAM Ranma removed his fist from Genma's head. "That isn't what he said, baka! That food was supposed to be for the Champion!"

Shampoo took the opportunity to continue the story, saying, "When Shampoo win, see Airen and fat man eating prize. When Airen challenge for food, he win very quickly. Then he Airen." She then took Ranma's arm, making him blush slightly. Akane sniffed, saying, "Why should she marry a pervert like him just because he beat her up?" "Who are you calling a pervert?!" "*You*, you pervert! You were staring at me in the bath!" "Hey! You walked in on *me*!" "You didn't put the sign on the door!" "I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A SIGN! I JUST GOT HERE!" "WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED BEFORE YOU WENT IN THERE!" "I DID!" "NO YOU DIDN'T, *SHE* DID!" "I WENT WITH HER!" Ranma quickly regret saying that, blushing a deep crimson. Akane took the opening. "SEE?! YOU *ARE* A PERVERT!" Ranma sighed, then said in a (relatively) calmer tone, "We didn't actually bath together! I went after her!" "Who are you kidding?! She's your iinazuke, for crying out loud!"

Shampoo had been watching the pair with some amusement, but now she was getting angry. "Who is violent girl to make... assumption about Airen?!" Akane quickly moved the focus of her ire at the other girl, saying, "And who are you calling *violent*?!" She then lifted the table off of the floor, and (while the spectators ran for cover) brought it down over Shampoo's head.

At least, that was the plan. The table actually halted about halfway there. Ranma raised his hand, and the table with it, having blocked the attack with a finger. Akane, still holding up her end, was dumbfounded. "How?" Ranma didn't answer her question, instead saying, "Don't take shots at my fiancee." "Hey! She started it!" Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Well, you saw how she's been insulting me..." Her protests wilted as she saw the level gaze on Ranma's face, and the fury on Shampoo's. Ranma said, "And what do you call all those remarks you've been throwing at us the whole time?" Having no response to come back with, Akane relented, and put the table back down.

Kasumi spoke next, saying, "Akane, you should know better than to attack the houseguests. It just isn't polite." Akane blinked. Kasumi sat back down next to her, followed by the rest of the family. "Now Otou-san, why don't you explain the situation so we can come to some kind of agreement?" Soun nodded. "As I said earlier, one of you will be chosen to stand as Ranma's iinazuke. The purpose of this engagement is for our two families to be combined so that we can properly continue our schools." He paused for a moment, then said, "We made this agreement before any of you were born. Our own Master oversaw the... *ahem*, ceremony." Nabiki, once again, countered the arguement. "But what about... Shampoo here? Isn't she already engaged to Ranma?" Genma sighed. "Sadly, yes. It is unavoidable that the two will marry."

Soun burst into tears, babbling about how his friend had betrayed him and the schools won't be joined and life is horrible... Genma tried to comfort him, saying, "Don't worry, Tendo-kun! My son can still marry one of your daughters!" Soun dried up instantly. "Nani?" "NANI!?" said all three Tendo sisters. Genma chuckled. "That's right! Before we left the village, I made a deal with their matriarch. She has agreed to allow Ranma to marry one of you as well as Shampoo!" Reactions came quickly. Soun brought out a Japanese fan, crying, "Oh, happy day!" Kasumi said, "But, this isn't proper." Akane turned to Ranma, saying, "You really *are* a pervert!" "Stop calling me pervert!" "Stop calling Airen pervert!" Nabiki waited until things had calmed down, then asked, "Has anyone bothered to see how Ranma and Shampoo have taken this?" She was answered by silence. "I thought not."

Ranma said, "Well, we can tell you anyway. We think it stinks." Shampoo was quick to follow. "Shampoo no want share Airen." Genma laughed, then said, "It's settled, Tendo-kun! The engagement is on!" "Right you are, Saotome-kun! Let's celebrate!" Ranma was shocked into a near-catatonic state. The idiocy of his Pop never ceased to amaze him. Shampoo glared at the fat man that somehow dared to call himself Ranma's father. Soun once again clapped Ranma's shoulder. "Well, Ranma, which one do you choose?" Ranma, in his current condition, found it difficult to respond. Kasumi said, "Otou-san, perhaps this isn't a good time to discuss it. They did just get here, after all." Nabiki followed her, saying, "Yea, besides, he's already got *one* fiancee. Do you really think he can take another just like that?" They glanced at one another, then, speaking in unison, they said, "Take Akane!"

Akane, needless to say, was furious. "What!? Me marry that... that... that HENTAI!?" Shampoo was busy trying to get Ranma to return to the living, else she probably would have belted her. Her sisters justified themselves immediately. Kasumi said, "Well you hate boys, right Akane?" "So you're in luck," said Nabiki. "He can be your pet cat instead!" Ranma blinked, seeming to finally come out of his daze. "What? What happened?" Genma patted him on the back, saying, "Ranma, Akane is your new fiancee!" Ranma gagged. "You want me to marry that macho tomboy!?" Akane reacted without thinking. Please bear in mind, this girl really is a violent maniac, having dealt with the news of her mother's death by obsessing herself with the Art, so that she could vent her anger. So you see, there can be only one conclusion to this situation. Akane slammed a fist into Ranma's face before anyone could stop her, and sent him flying... directly into the koi pond outside.

"Oh, no," said Genma. He turned back to Akane. "ARE YOU INSANE?! HE'LL KILL US ALL!" "Serves him right, calling me that!" Akane paused for a moment while she thought, then said, "While we're on the subject, WHY DON'T YOU JOIN HIM!" She then kicked Genma back into the pool as well. A few seconds later Genma-panda came out of the pool, followed by a screeching Ranma-neko (Genma-panda was pretty scared, if the roaring was any indication). Soun was quick to respond. "Kasumi! We need hot water *now*!" Kasumi rushed to the kitchen. Meanwhile Ranma-neko was back, standing on the tabletop, glaring daggers at Akane and hissing threateningly. He seemed dangerously unstable. Akane saw the way his eyes were twitching, and chose the most suitable course of action. She fled out to the dojo.

Ranma-neko might have followered her, but Shampoo reached out and drew him into her lap. He calmed down after a few moments, being stroked by his iinazuke. Soon he was purring contentedly, seemingly oblivious to the violence that had just taken place. Genma-panda approached the table cautiosly, not wanting to disturb his son. Soun reappeared with the refilled kettle, and was about to pour it over Ranma-neko's head when Kasumi shouted, "Otou-san, stop!" Soun was so surprised that he poured it anyway, revealing a fully human (and stark naked) Ranma sitting in Shampoo's lap. Kasumi and Nabiki immediately covered their eyes, Nabiki heaving a sigh of frustration as she did so. Ranma blushed when he saw Shampoo grinning.

"Daddy, when Kasumi says stop, next time *stop*!" Soun could only nod dumbly. Kasumi got up (still covering her eyes) and made her way to a closet where she got a blanket for Ranma. She waved it in his general direction, and he quickly wrapped himself up (though not before Nabiki got a small peep). She gasped in surprise, then abruptly blushed. Soun poured the rest of the kettle's contents over Genma-panda's head next. "Let's eat!" he said.

While the two fathers discussed the impending marriage with glee, Kasumi was helping Ranma and Shampoo settle into the guest room. "We don't have a bed in here I'm afraid," she was saying. "That's okay, Kasumi, we've got sleeping bags an' all." Shampoo asked, "Where we put stuff?" "Oh, you can just unpack your clothes into this dresser here. I'll put your packs in the closet for now." While Shampoo did just that, Kasumi asked (blushing), "Um, I don't mean to be too forward, but do you two usually... uh, spend the night together?" "Yea, usually, why do you ask?" Ranma said. She blushed a darker shade. Then he realized what she had meant. "Oh, wait, *no*! Nonononono! Not like that!" Kasumi heaved a sigh of relief, while Shampoo looked vaguely disappointed. "Well, then, we can just let your father share this room with you two! That way there won't be any problem with space." Ranma groaned, then Shampoo said, "No want share room with stupid panda man. Him can sleep in dojo." Kasumi shook her head, saying, "Oh no, I could never ask him to do that! It's not proper behavior for a host to treat a guest that way." Ranma tapped his chin, then said, "Well, I can't argue with that, but this is Pop we're talkin' about here. Besides, even though we aren't together *that* way..." (Shampoo frowned), "...we would still rather it were just the two of us, you know what I mean?" Kasumi hesitated, then nodded, saying, "Yes, I can understand that Ranma-kun. I'll go see about letting Mr. Saotome sleep in the main room."

She went down the stairway, leaving them alone again. Ranma went back to unpacking, and after a few moments of silence, he glanced back at Shampoo. He blinked when he saw a faint sadness in her eyes. "Hey, Shampoo, what's wrong?" Shampoo looked up at him, forcing a smile. "Nothing, Airen. Why you ask?" When he didn't immediately answer, her smile slipped a bit, and she turned back to her work so he couldn't see her face. Ranma was a little surprised at the odd behavior. It was the first time his iinazuke had deliberately hidden something from him, so he was naturally curious, and more than a little worried. However, he had also seen that she was rather upset, so he decided not to press the issue. He'd ask her about it some other time.

Akane was in her room, lifting weights (as was her usual response to anger, other than insults, outrageous violence, and general thick-headedness). "I can't believe that... that pervert! He even let himself get engaged to both of us!" Nabiki was stretched out on her, doing leg-lifts while reading another manga. She looked exasperated. "Akane, do you *really* think he likes what's going on right now?" "Well, no, but..." "But?" "But, he didn't even try to do anything about it!" Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Bear in mind, Sis, that you hardly gave him a chance. You knocked him into the pond as soon as he opened his mouth." "Well, he was being a jerk!" "Says my violent maniac of a sister who takes every excuse to beat the living daylights out of every boy she meets." Akane glared. "You're not saying all boys *aren't* complete perverts, are you?" "No, I'm saying that you don't even give them half a chance to prove that they aren't." "What about Kuno?" "Bad example, Sis. He's obviously off his rocker."

Akane sighed, knowing her sister too well to keep the arguement up any longer. She was an expert at all kinds of manipulation, including twisting people's words to suit any purpose. Kuno was the sole exception (being too stubborn to part with any preconceptions), but he was so stupid she never had to go that far. Of course, one thing Akane would never see was that she was easily just as stubborn as that pompous fool, and if she did see it, she would never admit it, even to herself. So, she was completely attached to the notion that Ranma was nothing more than an arrogant hentai, and that he always would be.

Nabiki, for her part, couldn't deny that Ranma had a healthy ego, though she would hardly classify him as the perverted type. She had watched him closely all evening (looking for any exploitable weaknesses), and seeing the way he blushed every time that girl Shampoo got close to him was all the proof she needed. Unfortunately, her younger sister was far less observant than she was, and, on top of that, would refuse to let anyone spell it out for her, even Kasumi. To make matters worse, she and Ranma seemed to have a particular talent for grating each other's nerves, which meant that property costs for the Tendo household would likely go through the roof. That set Nabiki down the familiar pathway of her mind, which was usually focused on one thing: making money. Getting up from the bed, she went to her own room and sat in front of her computer, considering her options...

Kasumi was in the kitchen now, washing up after dinner. As she worked, she listened to the conversation her father was having with his old friend. It had been easy convincing Mr. Saotome to sleep downstairs, despite his reluctance to do so. According to him, it would have been a better idea to let him keep an eye on his son and prospective daughter-in-law. By her father's reasoning, if Ranma was spending time with Shampoo, he *wasn't* spending time with Akane. Which made it less likely for the engagement to be carried out. Not that it had a decent chance in the first place, what with Akane beating her fiance up at even the slightest provokation (real or imagined) , and with Ranma taking every chance to further insult her. But it was still better than having Nabiki or herself marry him. That just wouldn't do.

Now her father and Mr. Saotome were playing Go, one of their favorite things to do together, apparently. She listened to their friendly chatter about the old days as she finished cleaning, and could not help but notice that there had been no leftovers. The Saotomes sure knew their business when it came to eating. They both had terrible table manners, even going so far as to try to steal each other's portions. Considering the fact that they had been eating soup, it was a wonder that there hadn't been any spills. Fortunately they didn't include anyone else in their competition, not even Shampoo. It seemed that they both ate enough for three people. That wasn't good news for Kasumi. It meant she'd have to increase her food budget, which had already been under strain. It was too bad her father no longer taught students. That left Nabiki to bring in the money, and Kasumi had always worried about how it might affect her moral standing to be under that kind of pressure. So far she hadn't taken any dangerous steps, but with three new people in the house (and staying indefinately, by all indications), that could soon change.

Kasumi sighed. It was so much to do to take care of two younger sisters like she were their mother, especially with all the other work she had to take care of on a daily basis. It was a wonder she even had any time to read those books that nice Dr. Tofu was always willing to let her borrow. And it seemed that now even that little bit of quality time would soon be leaving her. Oh well, at least if this latest engagement worked out then Ranma could begin his duties as the new owner of the Tendo dojo. Then she could finally get back to the plans she'd made so long ago. Walking out of the kitchen, Kasumi set about her nightly routine before finally going to bed.

That's the end of the second chapter. Now that the story is beginning to take shape, the later chapters should be done a little bit sooner. Or I'll just write them longer and better. Anyway, if you have any questions, comments, offers, suggestions, etc. etc., e-mail me at "etherway .com" I look forward to hearing from you!

Next episode: Ranma and Shampoo's first day at Furinkan High, and the dreaded meeting with Kuno. 


End file.
